We recover from the effects of alcoholism from the experience, strength and hope of others who have walked the same path. Please consider sharing your personal story with others who may benefit from it.
Personal Stories
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Personal Stories
It was just before my birthday in 1986 that I learned that the person I had shared my life and home with for the past three years was using drugs. I had never had any suspicions. And how I found out was definitely my Higher Power: I was working a night shift, and one morning, I came home and went to bed. As I was starting to fall asleep, it was as if a voice in my head said “K. is doing drugs.” Although it wasn’t stated, the understanding I got was IV drugs, shooting up stolen Demerol, etc. (K. was a nurse.) As soon as I heard that, I dismissed it immediately, wondering where such an idea came from. After all, I had no reason to suspect such a thing. I had seen no evidence. A few days later, a similar situation occurred. I had just come home from work and went to bed. K. was in the bathroom. As I prepared to sleep, that same “voice” repeated the warning that K. was doing drugs. I started to dismiss the idea again, when the voice said, “He’s doing it right now.” A few moments later, K. left the house. I got up and went into the bathroom. I looked in the garbage, and under some tissues, I found empty vials of prescription drugs.
I panicked. I had no experience with anything like this. I had no idea what to do. Then I remembered that a friend of mine in another state was a member of AA and NA. At that time, she had 15 years clean and sober. I called her. I know she could hear the fear in my voice when I told her “K is doing drugs.” I asked her what I should do. She gave me the two most valuable pieces of advice I have ever received. First, she told me to go to Al-Anon. I didn’t know what that was. I had heard the name before, but thought it was another name for AA. She explained the difference to me. Then she told me to confront K and insist on treatment.
Later that day, I told K that I knew about the drug use. There was no denial, and K voluntarily went into rehab, and then began attending NA and AA. (K died a few years ago, but died clean and sober.) For myself, on my 28th birthday, I walked into an Al-Anon meeting. It was a noon meeting in Schenectady, NY. I was scared. I didn’t know if I belonged there. To be honest, I didn’t understand most of the meeting. But I heard the words “keep coming back,” and I determined to do just that.
Two young men at the meeting talked to me afterwards, and one of them mentioned that he could tell from my behavior, etc., that I was an adult child of alcoholics. Oh, no, I assured him… there was no alcoholism in my family! Not since the 1930′s, when my great-grandfather died as a result of it. He just smiled. It was a year later at an Al-Anon meeting that I took an honest look at my family, and realized that in the entire extended family, almost every person who was not an alcoholic or addict, married one. Alcoholism, drug use and gambling addictions were everywhere, and I had never even noticed! At that moment, if I had any remaining doubts about whether Al-Anon was right for me, those doubts vanished. I knew I was home.
Anyone who knew me before Al-Anon will tell you I am not the same person I used to be. I have exchanged fear and crisis-addiction for serenity. I have given up controlling others, and now concentrate on managing my own life. I have learned how to ask for what I need, rather than using guilt and manipulation to make others do what I want. I am the only person in my family in recovery. (One aunt who came into Al-Anon after I did died a few years ago.) But my own recovery has had significant positive effects on the whole family. The addictions in the family are no long treated like a dirty little secret: the family now admits there is a problem. And as a whole, we have started learning how to express emotions. I was more than 40 years old before my mother and I ever said the words “I love you” to each other… now we say them every time we talk. All in all, the whole family is emotionally healthier. There is still room for more… I would dearly love to see others in my family get into program (Al-Anon, AA, NA, GA, etc., as needed). But I understand that I am powerless over that. They know that I am in Al-Anon, and that help is available if they want it. So I keep my hands off, love them, and let them live their own lives.
I still remember my birthday in 1986, the day I gave myself the best birthday present I have ever received: the Al-Anon program and the priceless gift of serenity. I wish to express my heartfelt gratitude to my Higher Power, and to all my friends (family of choice) in Al-Anon.
Bill, thank you for courageously sharing your story with us. Through the experience, strength and hope of members like you, we, too can find the serenity we seek.
Anyone else have a story to share?
Thank you for sharing how you came to find Al-Anon. I can so relate to the fear that drives a person to their first meeting. I sure know that feeling, and after 2 years in the program, I too can say, “Thank God I am not the same person who walked through the doors of Al-Anon.”
Bill, thank you for taking the time and courage to share your story with us. This offering of strength, hope, and experience will help so many of us! Thank you again!